Ok, so I’ve been gone for awhile, as in gone from blog land. I’m not going to lie, I was getting tired of reading my own whiny posts. I figured that I really needed, and still need, to figure some stuff out. I am dealing with some depression, and I also got pretty sick. I managed to get an upper respiratory infection and also a bad sinus infection at the same time. Lovely. But now I’m on medication and am feeling much better. Even my mood has improved.
My weight has gone basically no where. I’m sitting at 248.6lbs right now. So I’m up about 2lbs. It’s ok. I bought myself a pretty journal to use as a tracker so I’ve been doing really well keeping track of everything I eat. I’m sure, and determined to go down this week.
Today I avoided going to the Chinese market and having all different kinds of delicious things. Partly because I know it’s not the best food choices to make and then partly because I’m trying really really hard to save money these days.
I was planning on purchasing a condo, but then discovered that I don’t actually have the money I thought I had for a down payment…. So I kind of have to start from scratch. I’m working on a new plan. That had become a new dream for me, but also a very distressing situation. I was stressing about it so much. I am very much the kind of person who wants things dealt with quickly and efficiently. So starting to think about purchasing was freaking me out. I just wanted to buy a place and have it done with. Unfortunately it’s not that easy. This taking a step back is actually kind of nice. I’m feeling much more relaxed about the whole situation.
Also, I have to go to Mexico this year…. I bet like most people you are looking with raised eyebrows and thinking “Have to? You HAVE to?” Yes, I have to. My friend is getting married and I am a bridesmaid, therefore I have to go. I’ve never been to Mexico, and I am getting a bit excited and sort of happy about it, but it’s a lot of money. Mexico is really not my first choice and the price of this could get me flights to and from Asia as well as a night or too in a hotel.
I’m also a bit of a control freak. I like to plan trips and be in control, or at the very minimum have every single detail, and in this situation I don’t. I know how much I have to pay and when to pay it by. I know the name of the resort and the dates we are going on. I don’t have flight details or transport details or room details…. It’s just freaking me out. I’m not in control.
So, Mexico right? I’m also going to Hawaii this year with my family. That will be fun.
Two very beachy bathing suity destinations. Yikes. So I’m trying to get control of my eating I would really like to lose a lot more weight before this fall. I really need to get my fitness on track. So far I’m only walking, I know I need more, but the last few week I’ve been so sick that it was barely possible to walk, let alone to do Zumba or something. Now that I’m feeling better I’m going to make sure that I work hard. I really need to do this.
I need to love myself. Right now I just don’t, I’m in a very bad place, but I know that exercise and eating right can help with emotions, and if I’m looking better I will be feeling better. Right?