Failure

 

I totally failed, totally. I’m not even sure what I ate this weekend. I screwed it up again, I mostly stuck to the plan, but there was enough off plan stuff that it doesn’t even matter.

Tonight is weight watchers so I will let the scale be the judge, but I know I’m going to be up.

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get my shit together. I want to lose weight, it seems to be what my whole fricking life revolves around, every single decision I make rolls back to weight loss. I’m so sick of this. I’m sick of my life being this never ending fight to lose weight, but at the same time I really want and need to lose weight. I’m unhealthy and unhappy.

My lack of success has lead to a lack of motivation. I’ve been struggling with the same 4 lbs for 5 months. That’s a long time. Everyone wants to tell me how great it is that I haven’t gained, I’m still down almost 30 lbs, but that’s not good enough. I’ve been working on this for over a year, I should be a lot closer to my goal by now.

I’m really mad at myself. I want to quit because I’m just so sick of this.

I’m not sure how to get my motivation back. Does anyone have any tips? I think I might ty messaging the weight watchers 24 hour chat thing. Maybe they can help me to find my motivation again.

Even the motivation of buying something awesome wasn’t enough for me to track properly this week, and I’m thinking about doing it this week, but then June 27th I’m heading to Ontario with my family, so I’m destined to fuck up again. Right? How is it possible to get through a trip without fucking up?

Ugh. I’m so frustrated.

I will update tomorrow and let you all know about how it went on the scale, whether there were lots of tears or not.

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4 thoughts on “Failure

  1. These are the moments where the breakthrough comes. You haven’t failed. Failures yes but not failed. If you had truly failed, you wouldn’t be writing about all this. It’s easy to be consumed by this whole process (ask me how I know ;)). Just take a deep breath and keep moving forward.

    You can do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We all have different things that motivate us, so what works for me might not work for you, but I did read a great quote that has helped me put things in perspective in the past: “Giving up on your goal after one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got one flat”.
    If you quit now it’s just going to put you further back when you decide to start again. I would try more positive self-talk. You’re pretty much already guaranteeing that you’re going to fuck up because you already expect to. So why should the outcome be any different? I went to a family BBQ this weekend and I said days before to myself “you are going to walk out of there proud of what you ate” and I was. I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m just saying you’re already putting yourself at a huge disadvantage if you’re telling yourself that things are not going to go well because we get back what we put in. I wish you the best of luck and positivity 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Failure is part of trying. You can do this. You have to want it more than you want to eat bad food. The satisfaction of eating like shit only last a moment compared to the pride of standing your ground and making healthy decisions for your body. I dont know you but I have faith in you. Love your body enough to give it what it needs to be healthy. Dont give in to your old thought patterns. You cant get to where you’re going using the same path that got you where you are.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So I’ve been thinking on this entry all afternoon. I don’t want to hijack your post but I’m going to tell you the reasons I have failed in the past. For instance, I’ve had failures because it’s just been to hard to keep up with. Let face it, eating healthy and being your own cheerleader sucks! It’s hard and when you don’t have enough support on down days you fail. Another reason is because you let yourself go without eating or drinking to long in the day and bam! Hunger gets you, you fail, beat yourself up, spiral out, no support, you’re done. Timing is another. Everyone else is doing their own thing and your journey is messing with what they have going on so to prevent sticking out you just give up. I’m by no means trying to be a know it all because I do not but you aren’t alone. I believe in you and I think you can do this! I’m anxious to hear what happens next. Chin up, it’s just a stone in the road. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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