Wow, so it has been a very very long time. I’m sorry I have failed. The reality is that I quit weight watchers….. and I apparently just quit thinking about weight loss in general. I have gained 40 pounds. 40. So I went from losing 30lbs to being 10lbs heavier then I was at the start of all this.

I’m sad. I’m not even angry. I’m just sad. I can’t believe I let myself do this.

Excuses are easy. It started with Hawaii. A trip to Hawaii is the perfect excuse to stop thinking about what you are eating… I mean, I’m certainly not going to be in a bikini in a month so…. may as well eat my face off an enjoy! …..right?……..

A month after Hawaii I went to Mexico for a wedding…. only three weeks between trips? Whats the point in trying to diet? ……………….right?…………

A month after Mexico…. CHRISTMAS! My favourite time of year! also super busy, and full of many many baked treats from friends and family. So no point in trying to control myself  ……………………………………..right?…………………………………….

So now today is my birthday. 5 days after Christmas. This horrible no mans land of eating crap  before jumping on the “New year, new me” bullcrap bandwagon.

So here I am. 5’5 283lbs. Trying my best to catch up to the bandwagon that is trucking along.

I wrote myself an email the other day, because I new a change was necessary. I know my life is bad. I’m depressed, I’m fat, I feel worthless, I dislike a lot of things in my life, I’m single, I’m lonely, I barely see friends…. my life needs a change. I’m going to copy my email for you all to see. Then I’m going to go on r/loseit on reddit and add some friends to my fitness pal.

Change doesn’t need to wait until January 1st. Change can start now.

–          Breakfast

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Tasty, delicious…….water…..

Water! I love water! Which is a funny thing for me to say because for years I went on and on about how much I hated the taste of water. For the last three years I have made a huge effort to keep hydrated. I’ve always known water was good for me and the amount of diet pop I was drinking was bad, but those diet pops are truly addictive! So I firmly believed that those were the only things that would quench my thirst.

So about three years ago, in the summer, I noticed that I was regularly feeling dizzy. I felt exhausted, dizzy, lightheaded, and occasionally things just weren’t making sense. Then I got hit with heatstroke after a trip to the lake. My friend then suggested I drink a sports drink because they are made to hydrate and to replace electrolytes. After I drank it there was almost immediately a feeling of relief, so I stopped at the gas station and bought two more bottles as I was just about to embark on a three hour journey home. For some reason that was the moment it hit me, that hydration is actually important, and if I had been drinking water during the day I wouldn’t have had to feel so terrible in the first place. From that point on I made sure to add water to my diet. It became a constant goal to try to have a glass or bottle of water, instead of reaching for my can of pepsi.

Thankfully I succeeded and now I drink more water than anything else.

I had never been someone who believed that pop, diet pop, or sugars in general were addictive, but a few years ago I experienced something that made me realize it’s true. I went out of town to visit family. I had been completely pop free for a couple of months at home, and I was feeling fine. I didn’t even miss it! When I arrived at the family home, I was presented with a couple of cases of pop!! Two of my favorites, diet Dr. Pepper, and diet Orange Crush. I was all over it! I was there for about a week and I drank almost every single can! When I got back home, to my pop free household, I just felt like I needed to have more pop. So I went straight to the store and I got myself a case of Diet Orange Crush. Since then, I haven’t stopped drinking pop completely, but I have made sure to cut it down in a big way. Way back before I had any sort of hydration revelations, I was drinking 4-6 cans a day. Now I drink at least 80oz of water per day, and one, maybe two cans of pop per day.

Now, that’s not perfect, but it is improvement. I also have realized that I don’t want to stop drinking pop completely. I quite enjoy it.

So I’m currently sitting at my desk and I have a 24oz water bottle beside me that I have filled three times. I love it! Water is amazing, it does so many great things for your body. For me I feel like it keeps me hydrated, which keeps me energized, which keeps me moving. Water also helps to flush bad things out of your body, which is always a good thing.

Drink your water folks! I promise you will get used to the taste eventually. Soon you may even like it!!!

Dreaming away…

This week has been interesting food wise… The problem with not smoking is I’m lacking on ideas for what to do for my breaks at work. I’m left to walk around a mall…. And then I spend money, often on a coffee and a donut. Mmmm Donut…. Or On a bottle of Diet Pepsi, or a chocolate bar…. Not this is bad for two different reasons. One is that I don’t want to spend my money, and in the last two weeks I have spent almost $100 on food and drink… What the heck! And reason two is the fact that I’m trying to lose weight, and coffee and donuts are not so much the diet of a loser.

 My goal for this week is to walk the mall on my breaks, because it is still important that I get up and get away from my desk and move, and not buy a single thing.

 NO Coffee

NO Donuts

NO Chocolate

NO Pepsi

 I’m sure I can do it, especially if you include the fact that unless I take money from my savings account, I’m broke as a joke right now! Ha ha.

 Tonight is weigh in, and my Mom will be meeting me there. Luckily this time she isn’t sedated so she will be able to take it all in and actually enjoy the meeting. We are planning on buying portion spoons and portion plates! I’m so excited, that will make a big difference for us.

 Portioning and measurement is so important, and I pay minimal attention to it! I probably add at least 3 points to each meal without even knowing it! So I’m very excited about this. We spoke about portions in out meetings and it turns out that most of the time we either eat far too much, or we are so afraid of eating too much that we don’t eat enough. It is nearly impossible to get portions correct when you are just “eyeballing” it.

 So that leads to another goal. MEASURE EVERYTHING.

 Alright this week my plan is to:

  • Not purchase and eat/drink things that aren’t good for me.
  • Measure everything I’m eating.
  • Drink water and tea at work
  • Bring lunch every day
  • Walk everyday

 My only other goal is to be sure I come back to this post next Tuesday so that I can actually mark down what I have and have not done!

 I have to apologize, my writing style is not exactly organized. I wish it sounded more professional, but hey, I’m writing this to get stuff off my mind and to help myself, and others if I’m lucky, through a journey of weight loss and self discovery.

 I have a totally different topic to blah blah about now, so feel free to not read if you are just in to weight loss ha ha.


 I have a passion for Disney. The parks, the movies, the music, books, everything. One of the biggest things you hear and see as a Disney fan is to be passionate about your dreams, follow them, imagine them, and they will come true. I’ve been following a few “Disney Experts” for a few years and man would I love that. A lot of these professionals are writers and podcasters, they are journalist and theme park enthusiasts. My problem now, is how the heck do you get into that…. Actually what the heck do I even really want? As you can see from my blog my writing is sub-par (Although I always did well at writing in school, I just applied myself more then) I wonder what kind of classes there are on journalism and how to get into doing that. Wouldn’t that be a cool career? But then you see what most journalists go through and it does not look fun. Writing a lot of crap in the hopes of being able to make it to the big leagues. Anyway, may that’s not what I want anyway.

 I also thought about how cool it would be to move to California and work for Disney Corporate… but then comes the whole issue of moving to California, and as a Canadian, acquiring a visa… That all seems very intimidating… Gosh I wouldn’t even know where to start… do you apply for a visa of some sort first or do you apply for a job and then they help you get a visa??? Oh wow. I have no idea. I need to google this for sure and see what resources I can find.

 Also I’m trying to figure out a way to gain a secondary income, I don’t really have the time for a second job, but I think I need another form of income. I was thinking maybe an etsy shop, I can crochet, or sell some of my belongings on ebay. Maybe I could figure out how to do transcription… that looks like it would be hard to get into but I could totally do it! Hmm… Who knows right? Ok but then, what if none of that is in the cards for me. For some reason I just can’t clearly see in my head the path to getting there. To having that career with Disney or doing something involving Disney, like writing guides or something. So what then?

 What if, my path involves purchasing my own home, and keeping my current job or finding one a little closer to home that I’m slightly more passionate about?

 Do you ever feel like everyone tells you to follow your dreams, but then you don’t know what the hell they are? This is a hard age. At 28 people tend to be in one of two places, getting married, having children, and purchasing houses with their brand new families. OR they are in a place like me. Single, ok job that supports them, enough debt to make life less fun, no kids, no property.

 I feel at times like everyone else’s life is shooting along at a crazy pace. And I’m stuck. I’m stuck in the same place I have been for years. But I have no idea how to get myself out of it. I’m just stuck.

 Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty to be happy about. I have a good life, and good friends and family. But I feel very alone and lost. I feel like I need a hint, or a sign…. Just one little thing to lead me in the right direction.

 Anyways if you made it this far I’m impressed…. Seriously, I can’t even stand listening to myself think about this stuff sometimes… so thank you if you did. I know I’m the only one who can actually figure this out, but it just feels better to get it out.

Giving Gifts and buying jeans

Oh what a week… This week seems to be taking forever. Probably just because I’m excited to have five days off coming up soon. Plus, you know, Christmas.

On Wednesday night I got together with a friend to exchange Christmas gifts. I gave her fuzzy pyjama pants and a Photo Calendar with pics of us and other friends and our trip to Disneyland. It was pretty awesome. I got some of my favorite soap and lotion, and a couple of Chritsmassy Candles… Peppermint Chocolate bark and cookie…. they both smell so good.

Last night I visited another friend and her husband and their 10 month old daughter. I brought wine for my friend chocolates for her husband and an awesome noisy pink owl toy for her daughter. They all loved it so that was a success.

I really love giving gifts. Especially homemade gifts. I love crafts and I am a crocheter. This year I made some really great gifts for my family and friends.

It’s funny how as you get older it switches from “I CAN’T WAIT TO OPEN MY PRESENTS!!!!!!” to “I really hope my Mom likes the gift I got her” I always love seeing people react to my gifts… even if they have a bad reaction ha ha. At least I tried right?  

Food wise and weight wise it has been a really good week. I have been faithfully tracking everything and I have had my fitbit on since Wednesday.  Which just makes me so much more aware of how much movement I get in a day. I’m thinking there might be some take out this weekend because my Dad gets here tomorrow, and that tends to lead to a lot of “Let’s order pizza”. But I still have all my extra points so that will get me through that.

Today I’m wearing a shirt that my Mom bought for me last year. its an ugly christmas sweater shirt, that is really quite cute. Last year it was so tight on my stomach and boobs, it was not good. I wish I had a picture actually. I was at my heaviest last Christmas. 276lbs. Since then I have lost 28.4lbs. The shirt fits me perfectly this year… bordering slightly on too big. It’s amazing what a difference there is.

Thats the kind of stuff I don’t think about all that often, but my coworkers keep bugging me about my jeans giving me a saggy butt…  They are definitely looser now. I can slide them off and on without undoing them. But until they are completely unwearable I won’t be buying new ones. I don’t want to spend a bunch of money on expensive jeans when I know I’m just going to lose more weight. I did buy a new pair of skinny jeans, but they happened to be on sale… I managed to get them for twenty dollars. I was pretty happy about it. They look really good on me too. I think I might have some smaller sized jeans in my closet or my drawer. I should check it out and try them on. If not, like I said, I’m going to wait until these are completely unwearable, then I will venture out to the either a store known for being cheap or a thrift store and hopefully I can find something there that will work.

Today is my long day at work. I’m not exactly excited about it, but oh well, such is life. Just have to deal with today and tomorrow and then I get a couple days off, then I work Tuesday and Wednesday, which is a short day thanks to Christmas eve, and then I get five whole days off!! Hurrah!! I can hardly wait!


Potluck and Pie

Delicious potluck food!

Delicious potluck food!

Yesterday we had a potluck at work. I completely indulged. I used almost double my daily points allowance….and I’m ok with that!

We had so much food. I made something unhealthy to contribute, bacon wrapped stuffing balls, and everyone ,including myself, loved them. We had such a variety and nothing healthy! Chicken tandoori skewers with sauce, tortilla rolls with cheese and meat and cream cheese, 7 layer dip and chips, potato and smoked salmon hash, shrimp with cocktail sauce (This was out most healthy option!), nuts and bolts, spinach dip with sourdough bread, two types of cookies, brownies, chocolate covered pretzels, mocha pie… yeah. I had at least one bit of everything. I enjoyed it so much!

Today I’m back to being on track, and actually i did pretty well yesterday, I kept track of every single thing I ate. When I got home I was still so full that I didn’t end up eating much dinner at all. Luckily it was just soup and biscuits. I’m pretty proud of myself for making sure I wrote all the food I ate in my planner.

The whole potluck was my idea. I decided to have a fun Christmas day at work. So we all dressed up in red and green and random Christmas stuff, we played some fun games and I had some mad libs for my team. It was a lot of fun!

Today my food plan is all set. Breakfast shake, granola bar, orange, leftover soup and a biscuit for lunch, and a 100 cal bag of popcorn in the afternoon. I work long days on Friday so I usually eat a little more at work, otherwise I get so tired that by the end of the day I barely want to drive home, and often end up getting a cheese burger from McD’s on my way home.

I’m kind of amazed at my lack of fast food eating in the last couple months. I used to eat fast food every day. I work in an office tower above a mall, and like most malls there is a food court. I would eat the same thing everyday for awhile and then switch. One month I would eat nothing but meals from A&W and the next two weeks it was exclusively fried honey garlic chicken and noodles at the chinese place, then a period of huge subs and cookies and the local sub shop. Yikes!

I may be losing weight slowly, but look at how far i have come already. Now I bring lunch to work almost every day, and the days I don’t I run to the local target and get a frozen WW meal or I go to the sub shop and get a six inch sub on wheat and no cookies!

Thats me bragging right there…. go me!

I’m very excited that my Dad is going to be here soon! Only one week until he is here for Christmas. I’m so excited for Christmas. This is my favorite time of year. I love the lights and the dark and the crappy weather. I also love giving my family and friends gifts. I crocheted a lot of stuff this year. I already game a friend her gift, a scarf I made, because I suck at saving presents! Luckily I have another gift for her, for closer to the day! My love for this time of year might also be because my birthday is coming up. I will be 28 years old on December 30th. I’m very much looking forward to a steakhouse dinner and homemade cake. Thats another event I will save all my weekly points for. It’s my birthday dammit. I’m going to enjoy it!

Well I need to get back to what I was doing. I also have to finish drinking my water with Vitamin C effervescent. It seems like everyone at work is sick right now. I’m listening to people coughing so badly that it sounds like they are going to vomit at their desk. Yuck. I’m going to keep myself healthy.

Here goes nothing

So, I’m trying this blog thing again. I’m not very good at blogging, I’m good at reading blogs from beginning to end, as if they were novels, but not at writing one myself. I’m going to try again however.

I am a 27-year-old fatty. Yup. That’s me!

I decided to make a change. I joined weight watchers in April of 2014, and since then I have lost 17.6 lbs. Before joining WW I lost 8 lbs. I am down a total of 25.6 lbs from my highest weight of 276 lbs. Hooray for me! I haven’t been taking measurements but I should start. I would give that information if I had it! Maybe that’s something I should do after my weigh in tonight?

So it has been slow so far. I certainly spent all of September at a plateau as I was feeling very “Eff this, I’m gonna eat what I want” So the rate of my loss is my own fault. Not to mention that aside from a bit of walking I have yet to add any fitness to my routine.

I’ve been working hard to wear my activity tracker pretty religiously. I’ve done well so far. I’ve been wearing it for two straight weeks. Yesterday Mom and I went shopping in the States and we got over 11,000 steps! Such hard work, we had to buy new boots and jeans and even some fun and healthy groceries too… sigh so much work. Heh.  

Wait, What?!?!?!? You ordered two fitness videogames?!? That is insanity!……Heck yes I did. I needed motivation to get a start on a workout, so I got myself a Christmas gift of two awesome fun workout games! Now if only they would arrive in the mail…. I can’t wait to start!!

…………Wow did I really just get excited about fitness? Hooray for me! Big step.

Well for now I’m going to say so long, as my lunch break has now officially ended. Keep losing!