Dang it! Must work harder!…..actually must just work….. even a little.

Oh goodness you guys….. I feel like so much has happened.

I have stopped eating well, that changes right now. How stupid of me. I just sort of got on a shitty eating roll and stuck with it. For lunch today I had a Big Crunch from KFC and a Poutine. It was delicious…. Ha ha I haven’t eaten a poutine in a long time because they are like 23 points!! But I decided today was last hurrah!

I have been incredibly stressed out lately. I have a bachelorette thing this weekend that we needed to plan in one week, I had to book flights for my family to Maui which was actually difficult….apparently there are no non-stop flights to Maui from here. How silly. I had to buy decorations for the party on Sat and I had to build some decorations. I had to help my friend the bride find some decorations for her wedding, which was actually fun but still stressed me out. I’m trying to crochet a blanket for my grandpa, but it’s been so hot crochet is really not a fun thing right now… sigh. I think I’m just building stuff up in my head to be bigger than it really is. I have no reason to be stressed, I just need to prioritize and plan.

I think this has lead to me eating terribly, which has stressed me out because I have likely gained a good amount already, and I just feel icky. I feel fat and icky. This morning I felt motivated, but then I ate bad for me lunch and now I feel sloppy, lazy, and gross.

I need a change! Holy crap do I need a change….. I need to breathe and get back on track.

I quit weight watchers. I was having a lot of trouble. My meeting group is full of old ladies who don’t even care at all about me. WW meetings are supposed to be supportive places where you feel like people get you and they want to hear you and you want to hear them. I just felt out of place. I felt like not one of them gave a crap. Also my leader has been seeing me struggling for seven months and even after asking for help I didn’t get any support. So I decided I was paying too much for this, and I quit.

Now I’m on Myfitnesspal! So I’m back to the calorie tracking…. Although in my head it starts next week. I have a party this weekend that is all about eating and drinking, so I’m going to enjoy that, but until then I’m going to be good. More water, less coffee, more brown bag lunch, less food court, more grapes, less chips!

I keep feeling like someone else should be responsible, but it’s all me. I need to work on it, and I think taking a break, and then changing it up will help. Also it will be nice to not have to worry about the money anymore.

Also I need to work on working out again, even going for walks, I have completely stopped walking, and I need to change that!

My plan this week:

  • Walks at lunch
  • Back to breakfast shake
  • Pack lunches
  • Plan dinners
  • Walk in the evening
  • Work out at least once
  • Drink nothing but water at work

I can do this guys! I can do this!